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12 September 2010 @ 03:47 am
Illusions of the Sunlight  
Title: Illusions of the Sunlight
Rating: R, I think.
Fandom: As The World Turns
Pairing: Luke/Reid
A/N: I don't know what this show has done to me. I'm devastated, and all I seem to be able to do is write fic. Which I never could do while they were happy. (Well, I guess something halfway decent is coming out of this awful ending, at least?) The thing that seems to be affecting me the most is the fact that Luke and Reid had so much potential and so little time- hence the inclusion of the quote at the beginning, which just broke my heart- so here's a little fic to, um, address that issue, I suppose you could say. "Enjoy" doesn't seem like the right word, but I hope it's worth a read...and again, LuRe fans: you are absolutely amazing people. <3

"There's still so much that you have to do. There's so many patients' lives that you have to save, there's so many stupid, stupid arguments that we have to get into and there's so many days that we have to spend together. Please, Reid. We haven't had enough days. We're just getting started. You can't leave me."

Luke sits at the edge of the pond, fingers creating ripples in the calm water as he trails them over its surface with a sigh. He feels drained, like he couldn't cry, couldn't feel any more if he tried: the sadness overwhelms him, exhausting, and he doesn't try to fight it. He shuts his eyes and lays back on the grass, letting the sun's rays wash over him as the cool water continues to lap at his half-submerged fingers, the combination lulling him into the closest thing resembling sleep he's reached in days.

The theater is dark, only half-full; Luke's not sure what movie is playing, but it doesn't matter. What matters is the warmth of Reid's body beside his own, knees pressed together between the seats. Luke notes the arm rest pushed up between them with a smile; it's a small detail, but it delights him to no end as he presses just the slightest bit closer to the man at his side.

He can hear Reid rustling through something at his side, then the crunch of- oh. Of
course. Movie theater popcorn would be one of Dr. Oliver's greatest guilty pleasures. Luke looks at his boyfriend with a combination of exasperation and affection, catching his eye as he shakes his head. Misinterpreting his disapproval, Reid reluctantly offers up the popcorn, but Luke just laughs and refuses, informing him in a whisper, "I wouldn't dream of coming between you two." Reid just rolls his eyes and snatches the bag away, placing it gingerly on the seat beside him, but Luke can see the smile he's trying so hard to hide when he turns back to face the screen.

A few minutes later, he feels Reid's fingers lace between his, and this time he doesn't have to look at his boyfriend to see his smile. He knows it's a reflection of his own, and he rests his head against Reid's shoulder with a contented sigh, eyes on the glow of the screen as he listens to the beat of his heart.


Then the scene dissolves, leaving Luke alone in the darkness for seconds that feel like an eternity...

But then Reid is above him, holding himself up with arms that shake just the slightest bit as his eyes meet Luke's, burning with an intensity that terrifies and thrills him to no end.

"You sure you're ready?” and it's like everything hits him at once: Reid's intoxicating breath only inches from his mouth, their bare skin pressed against one another, limbs already slick with a sheen of sweat- the exertion of holding back, maybe, of controlling themselves before this reaches a place they can't turn back from- but Luke's done waiting. He's had more than enough time to think, and to realize that he's never been more certain about anything in his life.

"God, yes," he breathes, arching his neck to press a kiss to Reid's open mouth, licking inside quick and dirty and feeling Reid's shudder down to his toes as he responds in kind. The kiss is hot and wet and overwhelming, and Luke is almost-
almost- glad when his boyfriend pulls away, giving him room to breathe, rescuing him from drowning in the waves of his love.

Then he’s reaching down, between their bodies, pushing inside, and once again Luke forgets how to breathe. All that exists is this moment, them, Reid's skin turning white beneath the press of Luke's fingers, the catch of his breath in his throat as he hesitates, careful-

And their lips meet once more, hungry and desperate and it's too much, not enough,
perfect as Luke opens beneath Reid, their breath mingling and moans rising as they move as one, at last, together in a way that's- them, just them, and neither could ask for anything more.

Luke's fingers slip from Reid's hip to his chest, splaying over bare skin as he feels the pound of his pulse, hears Reid's breath quicken as the beat races faster beneath his palm. It's a steady rush, comforting, consistent even as they tumble closer to the edge, clutching tighter as they let go, lose themselves in one another as their hearts race on and voices breathe words of
love.

The darkness returns too soon, and the images that break through are only snapshots- things that would never, could never be- terrifying, thrilling, impossible and impossibly perfect.

A moonlit dance in a secluded gazebo, Luke’s arms around Reid’s neck as their eyes shine with love and hope, unable- unwilling- to look away from one another;

The glow of silver in the darkness, matching bands that gleam with promise, reflecting the single tear that trickles down Luke’s face as Reid nods, the joy that neither could keep from their eyes if they tried;

The declarations of, “I do,” that feel more right than either of them could have imagined, the happiness in their gazes as they kiss and turn to face…well, the smallest wedding a Snyder can have, the same love reflected back at them on every face in the crowd;

Reid’s smile as he claps his hands and holds them out to his daughter as she beams at him in return and takes a few hesitant steps toward her daddy’s outstretched arms, golden-red hair and blue eyes gleaming as Luke looks on, never more proud and never more in love.


The last image is so vivid, so far from anything Luke’s allowed himself to imagine until now and so visceral that it jerks him awake, sitting bolt upright and pulling his hand back from the water before he has time to think. His eyes are wet with tears again, but he just blinks away the moisture as he stares out at the pond, willing himself not to dwell on the way things might have been, they way they’d never be, now…

And as he watches the sun’s rays leap and reflect off the pond’s calm surface, another image appears, far simpler than the last. It’s Reid, and Luke himself, the doctor’s eyes sparkling in the sunlight as he passes Luke with a swipe of his hand over the water’s surface, so casual it might almost have been a mistake. But Luke knows better, knows that look, and he splutters and shakes the water from his eyes as he turns to face Reid. He retaliates in kind as soon as the doctor’s back is turned, leaving Reid drenched and swatting blindly after him as he grins mischievously and swims just out of reach. He can’t help but tease him just a bit more- “What’s the matter, Dr. Oliver, you can dish it out but you can’t take it?” Reid’s silent in return, but Luke just shuts his eyes and lays back on the surface of the water, a contented smile hovering over his lips as he lets the sun’s warmth wash over him, taking in the soft rustle of the wind through the grass and the trees around him-

And then Reid is tackling him, pulling Luke’s body against his own and entwining their legs with a wicked grin, the pond rippling out around them as they tread water and lace their fingers together beneath the surface, matching smiles meeting in an adoring kiss that stops time even as their hearts continue to beat as one.


The mirage fades, but this time, Luke knows he’s not alone. His fingers dip unconsciously beneath the water’s surface once more, and he remembers his promise- “We’re finally going to get that swim.”

Getting to his feet, Luke pulls his shirt over his head and toes his shoes off, taking a deep, shaky breath and braving a smile to the sun before he dives beneath the water’s surface to the peace below.

When he comes up for air moments later, he hears the wind through the trees like a steadily beating heart, the sigh of the water a whisper of “love” in his mind, and even in his solitude Luke knows that Reid will forever be here by his side.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: trading yesterday - love song requiem
 
 
 
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
slayerkittyslayerkitty on September 12th, 2010 11:59 pm (UTC)
OMG. This just so heartbreaking, and beautiful and perfect. Oh, Luke.
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:12 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
odisowner on September 13th, 2010 12:05 am (UTC)
This breaks my heart for all the reasons you mention. I didn't "enjoy" the story but I am very glad I read it. Perfect.
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:11 am (UTC)
Thank you so much.
Ripleysripley on September 13th, 2010 12:13 am (UTC)
Oh wow....
You are truly one of the best writers in this or any fandom. This was amazing, BB. Thank you so much <3
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:21 am (UTC)
Oh, wow- you are too sweet, bb. Thank you so much! <3
dpracketdpracket on September 13th, 2010 12:20 am (UTC)
Heartbreaking.

I could feel the whole thing.

Thank you for writing this.
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:10 am (UTC)
And thank you for reading and commenting. <3
snowmore: ATWT: hand holding animatedsnowmore on September 13th, 2010 12:21 am (UTC)
So beautiful!! I hope it helps Luke to dream of what could have been. You picked some wonderful moments to give Luke's dreams flight.

Oh, how I wish we had seen their post-coital faces. :)
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:14 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!

And I am in complete agreement with you there. That would have been beyond amazing. :)
Sarahyoursinginlover on September 13th, 2010 12:36 am (UTC)
this broke my heart into 85 billion pieces.
but it was so beautiful.
shut up and play.: White Collar Chained Togethershutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:10 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
playingwithcake: pic#100544546playingwithcake on September 13th, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)
I don't know what this show has done to me. I'm devastated, and all I seem to be able to do is write fic. Which I never could do while they were happy.

Artists often will produce their best work when they experience strong emotions such as heartbreak and loss...

And you, dear, are a true artist.

When he comes up for air moments later, he hears the wind through the trees like a steadily beating heart, the sigh of the water a whisper of “love” in his mind, and even in his solitude Luke knows that Reid will forever be here by his side.

One of the most beautiful imagery. Thank you so much. :)
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:22 am (UTC)
Oh, wow...thank you so much for this comment! It really means a lot. <3
rehabbedrehabbed on September 13th, 2010 02:20 am (UTC)
aw, this was so beautiful.
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:08 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!
nickershnick25nickershnick25 on September 13th, 2010 04:03 am (UTC)
*tears* Beautiful...and heartbreaking
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:09 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl.: Podunk!Lukealissablue on September 13th, 2010 05:42 am (UTC)
Oh, Luke :(.

This was so heartbreaking and beautiful!
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:07 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!
jem_018jem_018 on September 13th, 2010 07:34 am (UTC)
So amazing and beautiful

Luke imagining all the things that could have been just broke my heart into a million pieces. *sigh*

and that quote at the beginning was the part of the show that had me bawling.
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:25 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

And, yes, me too, about that point in the show- Van's delivery was absolutely perfect, and it completely broke my heart. So amazing, though.
alex: SQUEE COUPLEY GOODNESSastrolatryae on September 13th, 2010 10:40 am (UTC)
You have their characters so perfectly defined in this that it hurts me as much as it hurts Luke to have memories of what never was.
Luke looks at his boyfriend with a combination of exasperation and affection, catching his eye as he shakes his head. Misinterpreting his disapproval, Reid reluctantly offers up the popcorn, but Luke just laughs and refuses, informing him in a whisper, "I wouldn't dream of coming between you two." Reid just rolls his eyes and snatches the bag away, placing it gingerly on the seat beside him, but Luke can see the smile he's trying so hard to hide when he turns back to face the screen.

That in particular read so honestly to me that I think it did happen, or I will pretend it did. I can see the look on Reid's face as he offers the popcorn so clearly that I am cracking up, by myself, here in my room.

A fantastic fic. You write such winners!
shut up and play.: NPH and David Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:52 am (UTC)
Thank you so much. I'm always afraid that I won't be able to do the characters justice, so it's really nice to hear that this came across well! :)
ltklo: reid-haunted-fatherbananasltklo on September 13th, 2010 11:16 am (UTC)
Absolutely beautiful! I love the momentary scenes of what could have been. You made them all so vivid and loving. Reid with his daughter - gasp!
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:33 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much!

(And the idea of Reid with a daughter is one I just could not get out of my head. So I decided to write it in. He was just so adorable with the kids a few weeks back...how could I not?) :D
msv713msv713 on September 13th, 2010 02:59 pm (UTC)
That was heartbreaking. I believed Luke's thoughts, they were so real. Thanx.
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:07 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
gradgirl_07gradgirl_07 on September 13th, 2010 04:24 pm (UTC)
I've actually been trying to avoid fics like this, but it was really beautiful. Thank you.
shut up and play.: Glee Rose's Turnshutupanddplay on September 18th, 2010 06:06 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for giving this one a chance!
csifan3csifan3 on September 19th, 2010 11:52 am (UTC)
Wow. Breathtakingly beautiful, and somehow the repetition of heart in every little segment did it for me <3
shut up and play.: Luke and Reid Kissshutupanddplay on September 20th, 2010 01:25 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! The repetition of the heart is just something that came to me as I was writing, and I'm glad it came across so well :)
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )